i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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