I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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