Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
