Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
