Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
