fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
