Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
