PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize