I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
