he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
