Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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