I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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