3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
