Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
