id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
