dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
