Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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