meet me or not, i'm out of control
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
