y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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