i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
