Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
