i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
