the condom got lost in my hair
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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