i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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