Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
