We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i drank out of a bidet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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