dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
