you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
