Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
