Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
