Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize