Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
