Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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