her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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