So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
