i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
