I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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