he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
