So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
