Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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