Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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