Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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