Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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