i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
