Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
