just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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