I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
