I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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