Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
