Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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