I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
