I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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