He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
