and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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