dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
