i was born a porn star she said
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize