I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Drake has all the answers
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
