If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
