wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
