Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
