I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
