So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
