The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
