So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My hand turned me down
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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