you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
