hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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