I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
